Marriage is not always the land of unicorn and popsicles. Arguments happen, bad spats, nasty fIghts that can really leave a woman drained. I’m all for making up but sometimes, yes, what you really need is a time away from each other. Recognizing that you need some quiet time is one of the key steps in loving yourself and ultimately, might help you figure out what you need from your husband.
Whether you’re leaving for a long time or just cooling it off, as a woman and a wife, I suggest to be prepared. I’m not here to discuss today about why you should not leave and the steps you need to do in order to make up. If you feel the need go and you decide to leave your husband, don’t be stopped by things like you don’t have money or there’s no place to go to.
But it’s not like you can plan these when you’re in a middle of a particularly nasty argument with your husband. It’s great if both of you decide that you need timeout. In case you need to go without permission or without your husband knowing that you’re leaving, here are the things to prepare, your emergency kit and checklist, so to speak.
Prepare this in advance, even when you’re not thinking about leaving your husband. It’s not about lack of trust or giving up when you prepare this ahead. This is about being secure, caring, and loving yourself so that you have the option to do it when the need arises.
- An emergency fund located outside the home – one of the things my mom taught me, when I was just about to be married, is to set up an emergency fund that is accessible only to myself. This is for emergency’s when you suddenly need to leave home and can’t touch your family fund. Also, your credit/debit/atm cards should always be accessible to you the instant you need them.
- A place to go -scope up places you can go go early on in your relationship. This can be a women’s safe shelter, a relative’s house, your parents house. In case that yours is a violent relationship, it might be best that you look for a place that your husband does not know about. If you have children to bring, consider this too. It might be harder to find a place if you have children so give this extra care specially if you don’t have enough money.
- An emergency bag with clothes, medication, toiletries. etc.-have a small bag ready with your things that you need for a few days. This need not be an extensive list, just things you can bring to the hotel while you consider your next actions. Also prepare one for the kids if you have them and you intend to bring them with you.
- Your important documents. Prepare your documents to be always at hand when you need them. Your wedding/birth certificates, your travel papers such as passports, and photographs and family treasures that you want to keep.
- A friend to help -when leaving your husband, what a woman needs most is someone to support you mentally and emotionally. Get a friend to help you with your decision to leave your husband. You need someone who will think of you, consider your safety, and most of all, someone who will not judge you for your actions. Not every friend will support your decision and what you need at this time is not judgement but emotional support so you can see and think clearer about your next actions, whether going back to your home or leaving permanently.